by Lisa Moore

Have you been on the dating merry go round and feel like you’re going nowhere? Or are you coming out of a long-term relationship or marriage and diving back into the singles scene?

Healthy dating requires self-reflection and well-defined goals. By determining what you really desire and how to find that, you can establish dating patterns for positive romantic connections. Here are some tips to put you in the right direction. 1. Make sure you have healed from your last relationship. You may not be emotionally available to a new partner if you are still hurting. Unresolved pain may distort your decision making process.

2. Before dating someone, discuss your dating goals and theirs. Are you dating to have fun or looking to get married? Having similar goals can significantly contribute to a positive relationship.

3. Go slow and get to know the other person really well to enhance your chances of making the best decisions. It generally takes six months to discern someone’s true character.

4. Communicate honestly and openly. Hiding your feelings or who you truly are won’t lead to a good relationship. Let go of the need to be right. Each person can have viewpoints without making one person right and the other wrong.

5. Be responsible for your own happiness. Do not expect your partner to take care of you.

6. Take care of yourself emotionally, physically, socially, financially and spiritually. People who are successful in these areas have the best odds of a healthy relationship.

7. Compromise is essential. Release the need to be in control. Relationships thrive when partners can “hold” each other with open arms.

8. Never expect a partner to change. Being in love with someone’s potential will likely disappoint you.

9. Disagreements are okay. Good conflict resolution skills are a must in sustaining a relationship. Truly listen to your partner and ask if he or she feels heard. Continue listening and asking until they feel heard.

10. If you continually repeat the same relationship patterns with different people, consider counseling to break the cycle and learn healthier ways of relating to create the relationship you desire.