Have you ever been in a situation in your life that goes something like this? You’re having a conversation with someone and your thoughts, ideas, opinions or feelings are completely dismissed. Throughout the conversation, you are somehow made to feel small, unintelligent or even belittled and criticized like a child. The person you’re talking with puffs themselves up as being so intelligent, good-looking, athletic, wealthy, etc. So, in other words, someone who puts you down to lift themself up. This person is competitive, dominates the conversation with all topics referring to them and their accolades, and you can barely get a word in edgewise. If you do manage to, they immediately redirect the conversation back to themselves. This person disregards your needs since their needs are far more important. He or she has an exaggerated need for attention and if they don’t get it, they get angry. If you confront them about their behavior, he or she might tell you “that’s not what happened”, or “you’re way too sensitive”, or “I was just joking”. 

Physical abuse in relationships can be easy to spot since there is usually a visible mark or trace on a person’s body. And we all know it’s undeniably wrong. However narcissistic abuse, which encompasses verbal, emotional, psychological, even sexual and financial abuse, is much harder to detect since it’s on the inside, in one’s mind and spirit. It’s much more subtle and discreet. And so much more dangerous to someone’s mental and emotional health. 

Unhealthy and abusive relationships are a part of many people’s daily lives, and they don’t even consciously realize it. Whether it’s a friendship, romantic relationship, academic or professional one, these toxic connections often go undetected for generations. Until now.... 

The term narcissist, as well as gaslighting and love bombing are words that are thrown around often these days on social media and in life. But what defines a true narcissist and how do you spot one in your life? A narcissist can truly only be diagnosed by a medical professional since Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or NPD for short, is a mental health condition. However, the traits and behavioral patterns of a narcissist are the red flags we can tune in to, to identify this type of personality. 

• Lack of empathy - cold, emotionless, not being able to put themselves in another person’s shoes. Demonstrates a lack of remorse/accountability for any of their actions or behaviors 
• A grandiose and inflated self-importance - an air about them that they are superior to everyone else around them 
• Chronic sense of entitlement - rules don’t apply to them, “do as I say, not as I do” mentality 
• Chronic need to seek out admiration and validation from others - always needing their ego stroked 

The quality of our lives is directly related to the quality of our relationships. Awareness is key and knowledge is power. If you can already identify someone in your life as a narcissist, then you can break ties to them and get out of the relationship. And if you now know this information going forward, you can steer clear of this type of person and hopefully avoid getting into a harmful relationship that could cause you much pain and suffering. Healthy, loving relationships are essential to our healthy living, and we all deserve to live a happy and healthy life! 

Deanna Scaldaferri, a Licensed Massage Therapist, Holy Fire Reiki Master & Intuitive Life Coach uses her tools to help people along their healing journeys. She also runs a local support group for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery and speaks at events to raise awareness. For more information, visit: HealingHandsByDeanna.com, DeannaDeCamillo.com and Meetup.com/charlotte-narcissistic-abuse-recovery-meetup-group/.