Starting a conversation about divorce is never easy. Once you and your spouse decide to move forward with divorce, it is crucial to explore how you want to handle the process. This is an emotional time, so patience and understanding are essential. By following these guidelines, you can have a productive conversation with your spouse about choosing a Collaborative Divorce.

Introducing the Concept

One way to start the discussion is by sharing that you have researched ways to divorce with minimal conflict and found an option that keeps everyone out of court: Collaborative Divorce - a process approved by North Carolina law.

After introducing the idea, discuss what Collaborative Divorce is, why it benefits your family, and how you envision proceeding. Here’s an outline of key points to discuss:

Key Features of a Collaborative Divorce: 

• Out-of-court process – Court is off the table from the start.
• Independent legal representation – Each spouse has a Collaboratively-trained attorney advocating for them with a high level of training and without adversarial tactics.
• Commitment to settlement – Each spouse agrees in writing to resolve all issues outside the courtroom.
• Full transparency – Honest disclosure of financial documents.
• Professional support team – Neutral financial and mental health professionals assist with financial negotiations, co-parenting plans, and communication.
• Confidential and private meetings – The process is confidential, and the timeline is determined by the participants.
• Creative problem-solving – Settlements are reached through mutual efforts.
• Lower overall costs – Significantly less expensive than litigation.

Why is a Collaborative Divorce Beneficial?

• Less emotional and financial stress – Avoids the fallout of a court battle where a judge imposes a decision.
• Experienced attorneys – Trained professionals committed to fair outcomes and constructive communication.
• More control over the process – Spouses manage the cost, timeline, and terms.
• Empowered decision-making – Access to all relevant information ensures informed choices.
• Preserves family relationships – Encourages cooperation, benefiting children and long-term co-parenting.
• Privacy and discretion – No public court battles or unnecessary drama.
• Stronger commitment to agreements – Spouses are more likely to honor agreements they co-create.
• Financial resources are preserved – Savings from avoiding litigation can be used for future needs.

Steps to Pursue a Collaborative Divorce:

• Consult a Collaborative Divorce attorney – Each spouse should independently meet with a trained attorney to understand their options. If one spouse consults an attorney first, they can ask for recommendations for attorneys their spouse can contact.
• Hire the right attorney – Collaborative attorneys work well together, emphasizing constructive resolutions over conflict.
• Consider other professionals – A mental health or financial professional experienced in Collaborative Divorce can help guide discussions and decisions.
• Research reputable sources – Visit websites such as CharlotteCollaborativeDivorce.com and CollaborativePractice.com for additional resources.
• Clarify your goals – Consider what is most important to you in the divorce, both short-term and long-term.
• Commit to working together – Be realistic about your willingness to engage in productive discussions and compromise.
• Prioritize your children – Think about how your children will experience the divorce and how you can make the process as smooth as possible for them.
• Focus on the future – Maintaining a positive relationship with your spouse will benefit your family’s well-being.
• Manage expectations – Divorce is never easy, but with a dedicated professional team and a focus on resolution, you can achieve a responsible and healthy separation and divorce.

By approaching the conversation thoughtfully, you and your spouse can navigate your divorce in a way that fosters mutual respect and lays the foundation for a positive future.

Irene King is the founder of King Collaborative Family Law in Charlotte. She is a Collaborative attorney, a certified Mediator, and works with clients to have the healthiest divorce transition possible. She has over 20 years of experience and is committed to guiding clients in resolving their conflicts peacefully and rebuilding for the future with integrity and dignity. For more information, visit CharlotteCollaborativeDivorce.com.